Fatherhood
by gloryfaith
Summary: A one-shot look into the thoughts of the people in the "Alias" universe. The subject: fathers and fatherhood.
1. Vaughn

**A/N:** These thoughts take place before the meeting in the season one eppy "The Confession". There shouldn't be any spoilers for further episodes…I hope. ;)

I'll never get over the fact that I had to betray a confidence. It was the hardest thing in the world to tell Sydney about the atrocities her father had done so many years before. For some reason, Sydney seems to have a confidence with me that she doesn't have with anyone, not even with her father.

Her father… now that's a laugh. Jack's an ass. A lone eagle. A stone wall. She's talked to me about him. I can't imagine why someone would not want a relationship with her, at any age. Jack's an ass.

At least she had a father. He may have been distant, cold, unloving; but she still had a father. Something in my mother died the day we found out about Dad. She was never the same. I don't know if that's the same thing that happened to Jack after his wife's accident, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't make right the relationship that he formed with his daughter. They aren't a family, at least nothing that resembles it. At some level I feel for them, I feel for them both. 

With all Sydney has asked of me, I can't just let this slip. Those twelve agents… my father… deserve some kind of respect, their murders vindicated. If that means taking down the father of my asset, than so be it.

Weiss has said on many occasions that I care too much for Sydney, that I take my handler/asset relationship too far. Maybe he's right. Maybe that's why I told her about the tape. Telling her about her father's involvement in my father's death made me feel somewhat better about all this, but it also feels like I'm just adding another nail to Jack's coffin. I see it in her eyes. It cuts me to the quick, but it has to be done.

It has to be done.

It must be done.

For the twelve.

For my father. 


	2. Jack

**A/N: **These thoughts take place up to the season one eppy "The Coup". All spoilers are unintentional.

I'll be the first to admit I've failed as a father. I've never been good at it. I'm still not good at it. Because of that, Sydney has suffered.

Her entire life I've kept her in the dark. About me. About SD-6. About Laura. To others it may seem unfeeling and cruel, but it had to be done for her safety. I care enough about my daughter to do that.

It's said that you learn how to be a parent from how you were raised. I just hope that Sydney is able to break that curse. Deep down I feel that Laura did love Sydney on some level, but I can't help but believe that my daughter was only a means to an end.

I love Sydney, but I don't know how to love her like a father.

She's tried to reach out since she discovered what little truth I've let her know about and I'm unusually scared. Even though our relationship has been strained, I felt comfortable. She needs someone and I don't think I'm qualified. It's sad… I'm not qualified to be a father.

All I've ever done was try to protect my daughter. It may not have always worked or it's pushed Sydney further away, but I've only tried to keep her safe.

Arvin hasn't made that easy, but it's all I've ever done.

I love Sydney.

I love Sydney like a daughter.


	3. Sloane

**A/N:** These thoughts take place up to the season two eppy "Endgame". All spoilers are unintentional.

Emily and I always wanted children; there just wasn't enough time. My work always took precedence over family. I loved Emily with all my heart… now it's too late.

She's gone. There's nothing I can do about it. Now I have no family. No one to call me "husband". No one to call me "father". No one will ever call me that now.

I've told Sydney that I've thought of her as a daughter, and it's true. It was always a given that those feelings would never be reciprocated, but I took pleasure in seeing her react with Emily. I know Emily enjoyed it as well, because it was a taste of something she didn't have herself.

I feared for Sydney's safety every time I sent her on a mission. There were times when I was glad I could send another agent, but she was just too talented not to exploit.

It broke my heart when Danny was "contained". I saw the pain in Sydney's eyes when she stormed into my office, Danny's blood on her blouse. I had to bring up the steely resolve, but inside I was heartbroken. Even though I knew that she had broken the rules, she had done it because she couldn't lie to the one she loved, like I finally couldn't bear lying to Emily anymore. Emily died because of the truth, just like Danny.

The ironic thing was that even what she thought was the truth was a lie. It was the only way to keep them safe, yet keep them under the control of the Alliance. Sydney, Dixon, Marshall, all of them were vital to the cause, but ultimately it was all for another end. An end draped in shadows and mystery, but the beginning to immortality.

I had planned to spend the rest of eternity with Emily and finally start a family. That can't happen anymore, just like I can't bring Emily back. I know now the most important thing in this world. More important than the Alliance, more important than Rambaldi…

Family.

A family I no longer have.

A family I never had in the first place. 


	4. Sydney

**A/N: **These thoughts take place up to the season three eppy "The Two". All spoilers are unintentional.

It's so easy to blame your problems on someone else. I could blame my father for being distant when I was a child. I could blame Sloane for being a bastard. I could blame Vaughn for losing faith. But I won't… because it wouldn't be fair.

All through my life I've been a pawn in some fucked up chess game. Project Christmas, SD-6, my mother's supposed loyalties, I've never been able to really know the truth. Whenever I think I know some shred of truth, something or someone comes along and pulls the earth right out from under me.

This disappearing act doesn't help matters either. It did solidify one thing though… I love my father and he actually loves me back. Seeing him behind that glass so different from the man I thought I knew amazed me. Loss does that to a person. I'm just glad my dad appreciates me now.

I always felt that I was never good enough when it came to my dad. Maybe I reminded him how Mom took advantage of his heart. I don't know, but I hated it. I hated him for the longest time. Now with all that's happened, he's like the only person I can trust. That always believed. That never gave up searching for me. It was that zealous fervor that got him put in prison. In some twisted way… it makes me proud that Jack Bristow is my father.

My father loves me.

He loved me enough to make a pact with the devil to bring me home.

The crazy thing is… I wouldn't hesitate to do the same.

Because I love my dad.


	5. Irina

I'm proud of the woman Sydney became. I constantly wondered how our lived would have been different if I hadn't been pulled out, how it would have been to spend one year, one month, or even one more day with the husband I grew to love and the daughter I adored.

I had never even imagined that a mission I was assigned to would turn into something I would never want to give up. It was the most difficult thing in my life to leave Jack and Sydney behind. I had a duty to my country, just like Jack to his.

Jack… Jack was such a good father to our daughter. He always did the best he could. Jack was never an over-caring man, never let his emotions rise to the surface, but I knew in my heart he cared deeply for Sydney. More than my father ever did for me.

My Poppy put the Motherland above everything else, above my mother, above my brothers, above me. There was one moment that I'll always remember. Before he left on one of his missions he took me up in his arms and called me his bright shining jewel. Poppy was never fond of endearing terms, so for him to call me that meant more than the sun, moon, and stars put together for me.

It was the last time I saw him until I became an operative myself. We had communicated with letters and such, but the first time he saw me as a young woman instead of the little girl he had left behind so long before, I saw tears in his eyes. He pulled me into an embrace and wept. He missed his family, just like Jack missed Sydney and, I hope, missed me as well.

The two years that Sydney was missing nearly brought Jack to the breaking point. I was surprised that he asked me for my help in finding our daughter, but I was also glad that he did. He refused to believe that she was dead, and so we took up the fight to bring her back home. I was a task I was more than willing to do, because I loved Sydney. I also love Jack.

It's the duty of parents to look out for their children.

To Jack it was more than a duty.

It was a calling.

He succeeded admirably. 


End file.
